Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Road Less Traveled ... Rocks!

Time: 7:35 A.M. (Pacific)
Date: 2013
Location: Red Bluff, CA
Stop #1: Reach Program
Student Type: Fighting To Survive

After a few right turns and a left my escort and camera person for the day, Tom Watson, parks us outside the portable building that hosts the Reach Program. Like many of the programs I've visited since June 28th this is where the discontent, unwanted, misfits of the teen world take refuge, connect and respect their diverse landscape of ethnicity, age and sexuality. Reach kids earn a high school degree outside the confines of traditional education. No pep rallies, glee club or mandatory dress code. Here kids savor the flavor of showing and not hiding who they are.

This is where the brave live.

I fumble my camera and sound gear for the documentary I've been making since I started the Fat Angie book tour. This jaunt across America in rented cars, with donated books (hollar to you A.S. King, C.G. Watson, Kathy Erskine, Meg Medina, Sally Derby & Candlewick Press) and the generosity of friends of strangers who have given me a bed and plate of food still amazes me. I mention this loosely to the kids who have twisted around in their plastic seats.

At the front of the room, I dymystify the GoPro camera by revealing the feed it sends to my iPhone. A few "that's cool" and "sweet" and I quickly assign kids to act as my film crew for the visit.

"This is the part where you make me look good," I say to the crew. "Okay?"

Chuckles spread. A few kids still take the temp on me. I'm down with that. I have to earn their trust.

Tom rolls his camera, and the show is on.

The show? Well, we're at Red Bluff, CA to change lives. Yes, that's exactly what I said. You see, these kids have been counted out more than they've been counted in. They are my chosen fringe-cringe kid community of change makers.

"What did you know about me? Before I walked in?" I say.

Eager Boy In An Oversized White Hoodie Whose Height Can't Catch Up With His Enthusiasm says, "Can I call you rockstar?"

The kids laugh.

"Yes!" I say with enthusiasm. "Just don't call me Ewe because that's a female sheep. Okay, I digress let's move on."

I tell them how I wanted to be the drummer for KISS as a kid, win an Oscar and make it out of my small Texas town. How I came from a home harder than soft. How life as the underdog isn't the worst thing they've been handed.

Most of all, I tell them that I believe in them.

My teen camera crew moves in for a closer shot when I say, "What are you doing? On your classmates. They're clapping."

Laughter and the camera and mic swing that way.

[insert image of kids clapping]

We talk tough topics at the Reach Program. We talk about differences in and out of the room. We are brave in our rapport and don't pull punches (metaphorically speaking, of course).

After a group icebreaker, I do my story magic trick. I "spit" a narrative on the spot with words they've generated. I want them to see that their words have potential.

The potential to change, influence, entertain and heal.

More clapping then I say, "Okay, what do you know about me now?"

I say this 1) to keep them engaged and 2) to demonstrate the development of a character in writing.

Mr. Eager White Hoodie Whose Height Can't Keep Up says, "You're the tattooed rockstar Wexican."

"Word!" I say.

On tour stops, I always reveal I'm the whitest Mexican American in America. How my camoflage is a bonus and not a minus. Jokingly, I get him to repeat it for the camera. Stressing the importance of the new handle.

A young lady shares my director for the day is a singer/musician. Cameras pan from me to her. "We're ready," I say.

She hasn't tracked the "ready."

"We're ready for you to sing."

She accepts the challenge with a confidence I would never have for belting it in front of a class and a tattooed rockstar Wexican.

[insert video]

Now, who's the rockstar?

I send my camera crew to their seats. It's time for everyone to rock the word on the solo. Fiction or nonfiction. It's their decide. I scribble a prompt on the dry erase board and send them to task.

[insert images of writing]??



Over thirty-one states and through the inconceivable kindness from strangers and friends, I am the tattooed rockstar Wexican who writes YA lit and inspires the uninspired to harness their voice through creativity. It's the kind of risk I never imagined I'd take. Like Matt de la Pena says, "

The tenatious kids at Reach have had hell handed to them in plate fulls. But on that Monday morning they are there. In those seats. Engaging, raging, listening and showing up. 

You gotta respect the human spirit!



restored my faith in possibility















Bands tour. In mini-vans, Scooby Doo vans or a lux bus if they've really made it.

I'm not a band. I'm still a rockstar. Well, sorta.

I stuffed my life into a shared storage unit, rented a Ford Focus and took to the road June 28th. For three months (yes, it went on slightly longer), I would travel America and workshop with at-risk youth at no cost to their programs.




The kids get code names based on what they're wearing and sometimes affect. Today Mr. Orange sits in the back beside Ms. Smiley.








________



Time: 7:35 A.M. (Pacific)
Location: Red Bluff, CA
Stop #1: Reach Program
Student Type: Fighting To Survive

After a few right turns and a left my escort and camera person for the day, Tom Watson, parks us outside the portable building that hosts the Reach Program. Like many of the programs I've visited since June 28th this is where the discontent, unwanted, misfits of the teen world take refuge, connect and respect their diverse landscape of ethnicity, age and sexuality. Reach kids earn a high school degree outside the confines of traditional education. No pep rallies, glee club or mandatory dress code. Here kids savor the flavor of showing and not hiding who they are.

This is where the brave live.

I fumble my camera and sound gear for the documentary I've been making since I started the Fat Angie book tour. This jaunt across America in rented cars, with donated books (hollar to you A.S. King, C.G. Watson, Kathy Erskine, Meg Medina, Sally Derby & Candlewick Press) and the generosity of friends of strangers who have given me a bed and plate of food still amazes me. I mention this loosely to the kids who have twisted around in their plastic seats.

At the front of the room, I dymystify the GoPro camera by revealing the feed it sends to my iPhone. A few "that's cool" and "sweet" and I quickly assign kids to act as my film crew for the visit.

"This is the part where you make me look good," I say to the crew. "Okay?"

Chuckles spread. A few kids still take the temp on me. I'm down with that. I have to earn their trust.

Tom rolls his camera, and the show is on.

The show? Well, we're at Red Bluff, CA to change lives. Yes, that's exactly what I said. You see, these kids have been counted out more than they've been counted in. They are my chosen fringe-cringe kid community of change makers. They're my heroes because the war wounds of life are deeply imprinted on these kids, and they are still here.


As for this show I mention, it is the Fat Angie book tour At-Risk Summer. It is where I  travel across American and provide access to a creative mentor to the kids who don't come out for signings and library events.

"What did you know about me? Before I walked in?" I say.

Eager By In an Oversized White Hoodie Whose Height Can't Catch Up With His Enthusiasm says, "That you're a rockstar."

The kids laugh.

"I mean, that's what I think you are."

I tell them how I wanted to be the drummer for KISS as a kid, win an Oscar and make it out of my small Texas town. How I came from a home harder than soft. How life as the underdog isn't the worst thing they've been handed.

Most of all, I tell them that I believe in them.

My teen camera crew moves in for a closer shot when I say, "What are you doing? On your classmates. They're clapping."

Laughter and the camera and mic swing that way.

We talk tough topics at the Reach Program. We talk about the differences in and out of the room. We are brave together in our rapport and don't pull punches (metaphorically speaking).

After a group icebreaker, I do my story magic trick. I "spit" a narrative on the spot with words they've generated. I want them to see that their words have potential.

The potential to change, influence, entertain and heal.

More clapping then I say, "Okay, what do you know about me now?"

I say this 1) to keep them engaged and 2) to demonstrate the development of a character in writing.

Mr. Eager White Hoodie Whose Height Can't Keep Up says, "You're the tattooed rockstar Wexican."

On the tour, I always reveal I'm the whitest Mexican American in America. How my camoflage is a bonus and not a minus. Right then, that little-big young man perfectly packaged my persona.

Jokingly, I get him to repeat it for the camera. Stressing the importance of the new handle.

Soon after it is revealed that my director for the day is a musician, we pull the cameras back, and I say, "We're ready."

She hasn't tracked it yet.

"We're ready for you to sing."

She accepts the challenge with a confidence I would never have for belting it in front of a class and a tattooed rockstar Wexican.

[insert video]

Now, who's the rockstar?

I send my camera crew back to their seats. It's time for everyone to rock the word. Fiction or nonfiction. It's their decide. I scribble a prompt on the dry erase board and send them to task.

[insert images of writing]??



Over thirty-one states and through the inconceivable kindness from strangers and friends, I am the tattooed rockstar Wexican who writes YA lit and inspires the uninspired to harness their voice through creativity. It's the kind of risk I never imagined I'd take. Like Matt de la Pena says, "

The tenatious kids at Reach have had hell handed to them in plate fulls. But on that Monday morning they are there. In those seats. Engaging, raging, listening and showing up. 

You gotta respect the human spirit!



restored my faith in possibility















Bands tour. In mini-vans, Scooby Doo vans or a lux bus if they've really made it.

I'm not a band. I'm still a rockstar. Well, sorta.

I stuffed my life into a shared storage unit, rented a Ford Focus and took to the road June 28th. For three months (yes, it went on slightly longer), I would travel America and workshop with at-risk youth at no cost to their programs.




The kids get code names based on what they're wearing and sometimes affect. Today Mr. Orange sits in the back beside Ms. Smiley.





Monday, October 21, 2013

Wanna Know How To Save A Whale?

Stories From The Road
October 21, 2013

How do you save a whale? Well, the answer's complicated.

I was in Richmond, Virginia October 17th as a Special Guest for the YALSA supported Teen '13. Getting there was a "lions, tigers and bears, oh my" kinda moment. Just do the substitution of car crashes, construction and D.C. gridlock. I arrived, late, but made it. Did my three minutes of who I am, what I do and why you all are cool for listening to my three minutes.

Here are some cool authors I met.

https://www.facebook.com/meg.medina.10
 
Later that night, I ate cold fried chicken with author Meg Medina (Latina Rockstar if you're sassy) at her cozy tree house of a home. Meg had offered me a spare bedroom for this Fat Angie At-Risk Summer book tour stop.

I like spare bedrooms.

Meg sat down at the breakfast bar and in all that is wonderful and direct about Meg said, "So tell me everything. How did you grow into this amazing person you are right now? You know, how did you choose this given where you started?"

Mid-chew I blurted out the immediate Amanda Cunningham story (see Meg's blog here), but it just felt off as an answer. I mean, yes, Amanda's death had a lot to do with me sitting down and cranking out Prizefighter en Mi Casa. But the who I am now. The person who came from a hard home and could've chose to quit but didn't. Instead I travel America and am coined as Wexican (whitest Mexican American), rockstar and hero by the kids I meet which has a lot to do with Fat Angie.


 And Fat Angie has a lot to do with Linda.

Linda humors me on Cinco de Mayo, 2006
I met Linda in July 2005. We both were on scholarship for the Highlights Chautaqua Writing Retreat. Prizefighter won the Delacorte Dell Yearling Award in November 2004, but I was super green to the roll with authors thing. After a fancy welcome dinner, I headed to my less than two star accommodations. Walking minus an umbrella in the pouring rain, I met Linda. Also minus an umbrella. 

Lacking a witty intro, I said, "So are you someone famous I should know?"

She said, "I don't think so. Are you?"

"I don't think so, but I think I just made an ass out of myself back there."

"How come?" she asked.

"Because I sat with a bunch of famous people who I just thought were people, but I think you're supposed to treat'em different."

She held out her hand, "I'm Linda."

"Eunice."

And so it was. Linda and Eunice. The two odd balls of the retreat.

Linda became more than my best friend. She became my family. We talked daily, and I shared everything with her. When I still resided in good 'ole Madison, WI and had to have surgery, she over nighted gormet frozen meals (minus GURD inducing red sauce) because I was alone.

She tolerated the rough years of my grieving Amanda. Let's be clear. I was a mess. She guided me to other artist in the Cincinnati, Ohio area when I moved there. She read my writing and was an excellent editor for all things that are e.E. annoying. She got me, and in time, I got the her. She was in it for the long haul. To be honest, I didn't really think I deserved long haul.

Linda worked professionally as a graphic designer and copy editor. Here are a few movie posters she did as favors for me.

film directed by Sara St. Martin-Lynne

film directed by e.E.

What her heart was invested in was writing for young people. I have never seen someone so determined to create for kids (See her blog). When Maggie's Monkeys sold to Candlewick Press, I bought her a pink monkey at an airport. She proudly used it in her school visits and book appearances.


When I had surgery in Cincinnati in 2008 and was under for six hours, she was the first person in my room. When I thought I couldn't stay on the planet, she mirrored back my better truth. That's a gift in this world. No doubt, sincerely.

quotepix.com
My birthday rolled around (December 1st if you're sassy). I was in a creative slump. I wanted to ditch Fat Angie because my agent red inked the life out of it. Not really, but I was being a brat about it.

I drop in at Linda's house, and she pulls out a large white shirt box from beneath her desk. I open the box, pull back the tissue paper and there it was. The hoodie of all hoddies. It was a navy blue beauty with a bulging bicep hornet staring back at me. It was the official logo from the Fat Angie draft.

"You know I love hoodies," I said. "That's just plain dirty."

She smiled and said, "Now finish the book. It's gonna change lives."

"I duhno. You know? Andrea doesn't get it."

"Finish it. It matters. And it is good or she wouldn't have bled all over it."

I flipped the hoodie over, and Linda had left nothing to chance. On the back was the number forty-seven. For Fat Angie fans, you'll know why having her sister's basketball jersey number on the hoodie was an icing on the cake kinda moment.

"If I ever sell it, I'm gonna dedicate it to you," I said. "You know that right?"

"I don't need that."

Hoodie seen with Fat Angie Book Tour At-Risk Summer

I finished a necessary revision of the book, and sent it to my then agent who is now managing editor and publisher at Egmont USA Andrea Cascardi. In late January 2011, Linda discovered she had Cancer.

First thought? I can't do this again. I can't lose another best friend.

Of course, I'd make it about what I was losing. What about Linda? Possibly not seeing her daughter graduate high school. Leave her partner of twenty-plus years who had faced a near death Cancer experience a few months prior. Never see another Christmas or New Years? Never and more never and more -- stop!

I had to stop. Stop what I had made about me and what she might lose.

What you need to know is that I'm not good at the death gig. For a long time, I wasn't good at the showing up gig either. But you see, Linda's different. She's a stand-up gal if I've ever known one. She had so much room for my absolute weirdness. She had kindness. 

Bottom line: I knew I couldn't skip out.

For once, I had to show up for Linda. I had to be there. And I didn't do it perfect, but I did it. I was there when it counted. I had the hard conversations. I wanted to understand not only what it meant to be dying but what it meant to live.

Linda was the strongest, bravest and most stubborn person I have ever met. She held into the last days even when hospice came. She was going to beat her Cancer. Her mind riddled with tumors. Her body frail and thin. She was still Linda. But less than eight months after the diagnosis, Linda died.

She died on October 21, 2011.
It was approximately 6:00 pm.
I was in her bedroom with her partner Howard and daughter Abbie when she exhaled.

I promised that I wouldn't leave her ... that I would stay to the very end. She didn't think I would, but I did. I did because Linda had taught me how to show up.

I did dedicate Fat Angie to Linda.
I have had the hoodie on the Fat Angie book tour.
I share her life, sarcastic humor and kindness with others daily.


Today is October 21, 2011. For the astrology peeps, it is Mercury Retrograde. For others, it is the day Facebook fried out for a few hours. For a good friend in Texas, it is her birthday. For me, it is the day I remember the life of Linda Sanders-Wells. A woman who believed that one book could change lives. And from the trenches of this book tour, I can tell you she was right.

So you wanna know how to save a whale. The answer's complicated. It really has nothing to do with this blog, and it kinda does. I trust you'll figure it out. Just know ...

There was a woman. Her name was Linda Sanders. 
She changed my life.

I love you, Linda. Shine on!

photo by C.G. Watson









Saturday, October 12, 2013

Survivor's Poem: Teen Student Jenni Truth

Stories From The Road
October 12, 2013

This blog isn't mine but Hers. Hers is a story in the slip stream of cast-away kids. The bullied. The shamed. The kids encouraged to vanish from the planet.

She has tried.
She has failed.
I am grateful for this failure.

Because now she is a survivor and survivors who choose to live have stories. Stories that can motivate, educate and ignite the right to be heard.

I met Her on a tour stop in California. She came to me after a workshop and asked for recommendations for books on surviving rape and abuse for a classmate who was reluctant to ask. She didn't ask for anything for herself. I made an effort to come back to the school with books that dealt with these tough issues along with copies of FAT ANGIE donated by Candlewick Press. She expressed her passion for writing poetry, and I encouraged her to connect with something when she was ready.

She reached out via Facebook with the below message and poem this weekend. She said I could share her name, but I'm opting for a nickname. We'll call her Jenni Truth. Ms. Truth is a brave young woman who has seen more darkness than any young person should. But she is here. Alive. Showing up.

She wants to be counted and empower others through her story. And I say rock the heck on!

Ms. Truth said, "mind you everything i write comes from my past and im trying to help girls who have hard times with rape and suicide, so my attempts stopped when i came to the school. now i wanna let everyone know they're not alone and that anything can change and i cant make my past go away but i know i can make my future better and thanks to u i wanna make a book of poems that can help people through what i went through and help them get stronger."

UNTITLED POEM
by Jenni Truth (nick name)

A price paid 
Closed are my sunken eyes 
Tears gracefully crawl down my face 
I take another straight shot of whiskey 
As my head starts to race 
The cigarette is still burning 
And the sweet smoke tickles my nose 
My body is going numb 
I can no longer feel my toes 
I can see my black mascara tears 
As they fall onto my breast 
There are scratches and dried blood 
Pretty purpled bruised decorate my chest 
My red lipstick smeared 
And my hair in knots 
I shove more pills in my mouth 
Chasing it with three more shots 
My body is beyond broken 
My mind completely lost 
A lesson with a price 
Myself an expressive cost 
He was to strong to heavy 
I couldn’t get him off of me 
With his hand over my mouth 
I kept screaming to stop 
His cold eyes just watched me 
As I fought hard and cried 
He crushed my soul over and over again 
As he thrusted deeper inside 
The world slowly went dark 
From the fight and pain 
I woke up bloody and dirty
From the sound of the rain 
Now the bottle is empty 
And the room spins 
I put a razor to my wrist 
And rip across my skin 
The blood paints the floor 
Everything is slowing down 
The darkness is back again 
And it’s now all around 
The cigarette still burns 
As the smoke does an exotic dance 
It moves so slow and graceful 
Putting me in a trance 
There’s an empty whiskey bottle
A cigarettes burning and a note 
The blood is coloring the white paper red 
Where “I’m sorry” is faintly wrote.

http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Suicide is not an option. If you're a young person reading this, YOU MATTER. This poem is about a time when Ms. Truth thought she didn't. She is a survivor and wants you to know someone has been there and come out the other side.

It may sound lame but if you are thinking about suicide, call the hotline above. Visit their website to get an online chat. Reach out to a friend, family member, school counselor or a trusted teacher. Suicide is the real deal, and it's forever.

No more body bags.

You are never counted out! Live.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Why A.S. King Is My Long Lost Sister

Some things are a given in life. Who you are, where you're from and that you've embarrassed yourself at least once over a boy band. FYI, mine was New Kids On The Block.

Work That Tough, NKOTB!
Now when you're adopted, the details might be a little spotty. For example, I know that my mother's name is Virginia Trujillo. She lived in Corpus Christi, Texas in 1973 and my grandparents were definitely on the Catholic.

But that's where the narrative hits a crash and burn for the most. The rest is deduction.

For example, here's me in junior high.

Band Trip To Aquarena Springs
 Here's me now.


Suspicious Of Her Glasses
Not a whole lot has changed. I'm still the whitest Mexican American in America. The REACH kids in Red Bluff, CA adorned me with the nickname Wexican. Peace and love to them for one on the original scale!

I also have a lot of those annoying attributes from childhood. I beat on desks and pretend I'm the drummer from Kiss (life long aspiration). I wear backwards ball caps. My friend California Sara refers to me as the female Kevin Smith. I got respect for the Smith (holla Clerks and Red State), and I guess I dress like him sometimes minus the beard and height challenge.

The other thing is that I have a brother. See Kurt lived with my folks and me when I was in my senior year of high school. I had him imported, literally, from a group called Youth For Understanding. I thought I might land some 1980's teen comedy of a boyfriend. X-nay on that one. He comes off the plane from Belgium to Corpus Christi, Texas with his arms all wide and on the open and says, "Sister!"

Kurt First Week In U.S.
Can I tell you how not into him I was. I selfishly battled for cool points with my beyond cool new brother and my friends. The battle was futile. He spoke seven languages, sang and danced like the thin Elvis and was smart extreme. Consequently, he could date any girl I'd thought about dating since I was twelve, but I couldn't come out in 1991 small-town South Texas.

Kurt was my nemesis. Though when life hit the skids, and I ended up in a suicide watch think tank in May 1992, he was the only one who came to visit me. Not my adopted parents. Just Kurt. And even though I was a jerk supreme to him, he showed and was counted. Well sorta. I mean, I was 18 and hated the world then.

Kurt is the only family I've ever had aside from my friends, and I am grateful to have this Build Your Own Family. Sorta like Build a Bear without the awkward stuffing.

 
Seriously, this video exists.


Wait. So what does any of this have to do with multiple award-winning author (Michael Printz Honoree hollar!) A.S. King.

Yup, Cool Author Headshot Thingy
Well, I met with A.S. (Amy if you're sassy) in Pennsylvania to interview her for the FAT ANGIE book tour documentary At-Risk Summer. She opens the door and welcomes me to the chaos that is a new home, new central air and a laptop that has ants crawling on it. They're actually stickers but very much on the life like.

We immediately connect with some colorful language, her having a tripod because mine is on a UPS truck somewhere and the fact that she is, by far, one of the coolest gals I have ever met. Seriously, you gotta know this woman.

But I digress. So ... we do the interview (yes, video clip coming) and laugh and have game face and laugh again and make references to everything and nothing. As I like to say, not too shabby.

I decide after sharing the best burger I have EVER eaten in all of America and many countries in Europe (see photo of delicious below)

http://www.abcbrew.com/brewpubs/lititz/
that she is my long lost sister. Even though she has other siblings, I welcome her into my tribe. Remember I haven't formally told her this, so we'll all need to keep it on the down low. Don't want her to think I'm gonna go all Single White Female and dye my hair blonde (not comb it) and wear black long sleeve Tees all the time. Although I did go through a black wardrobe phase but that was way early 1990's.

But again, I digress. Without further ado, here are my ...

Top 10 Reasons A.S. King Is My Long Lost Sister

10. We both should've been cast members of TV series Freaks And Geeks.
9. We dig Blondie and The Knack, and it will keep us in a restaurant long after closing time.
8. We both have stellar ink on our forearms.
7. We both played some hard core hoop (nuthin' but rim, kid)!
6. Our dark sense of humor can be matched by few, as Pete the waiter at ABC Brewery can attest.
5. I can say, "Sh*! just got real in the Ford Focus," and she'll totally get it.
4. We write raw, edgy and truth filled YA lit.
3. We both get why Lynda Carter is the only Wonder Woman and the power of the Lasso of Truth.
2. We both started writing to tell a story without the intention of being published because we had to write.
1. We both get why life is hard, find humor in its darkness and embrace the possibility of empowering youth through art.

We reluctantly share the CPA Award (Coolest Person Alive) via Twitter, and I'm guessing real CPA's are super pissed. #lolcpaanger

Ultimately, with all the lessons on this tour, I'm elated that I met an author who is tenacious, tender, tough and troublemaker extraordinaire. She reminded me like Cecil Castellucci did that is is okay to be all the edges that is your weird and powerful self. Thanks for the memories, A.S. King. Here's to your book release of Reality Boy this October. And to the fact that this should've been the cast photo for Freaks And Geeks!

http://youtu.be/wdUCGiF-yaA