Monday, September 16, 2013

inside the flight (or why i killed myself)

Stories From The Road
September 16, 2013
** Click Here For Song/Poem Read By Author **

You wanna know what I am?
I'm the kid that flies through the air like Superman
Only I land
And it hurts


Spin back.

The shit in my head gets worse
Every day I went to school and didn't fit
And everyday my phone blew up with shit
All the things They told me to do
"Kill yourself -- die girl -- Yeah, that's you."

And my mom did what she could
She told the principal too
And when nothin' changed like things don't
She pulled me outta that school
And said, "We're through."

She took my phone and dumped that number 

Gave me a new one
(She had the best of intentions you gotta remember)
She didn't want those girls in my face anymore
And I get it
I do, Mom.
You're doing your best, but this shit is raw.
It gets loud in my head
And dark in my heart
And sometimes I cut myself just to feel a spark.
And the doctors in the hospital tell me I'm smart

And they check me out, and I seem good
And maybe I thought I was too
But I go back to my new school
And download Apps on my new phone 'cause I wanna fit and belong.

Just when I think it's all cool
The mean girls do what mean girls do.
And the problems elevate
And I don't know what to say
Because I know you been through a lot, Mom.
You changed me out of school and paid to get me hospitalized so I'd be fine
And you're right, life gets better
For everyone else but me and I'm sadder.
And I don't go to my teachers or my friends or the school counselor
Most of them are whack or just don't care

And the noise rips apart my grey parts
The Apps on my phone keep blowing up
And the last year has been so damn hard
I retreat in myself and decide to call it all off!

Just know as I climb this tower
I love you and you did your best, but I cower.
It's all so much and it didn't get better
Like they say in them ads to just wait and be patient
But that ain't effective and it makes me
c r a z y!

So here I am like Superman
and calm
I wish it didn't have to happen
And I'm sorry I disappointed you, and I know this is gonna hurt
Please forgive me
But I don't matter.

And soaring through the air
For a moment it's quiet, and I think I feel better ...

I made a mistake

** Thinking of you, Rebecca Ann Sedwick


  1. I'm crying. It shouldn't be like that. Not for anyone.

    1. I hear you, Sally. I was so tore up to see a young life gone.

  2. powerful... thanks for sharing... you are awesome for what you do :)

    1. Thank you for reading and letting myself and anyone who comes here know it resonated with you. I'm so saddened by the loss of this girl's life in Florida. A girl I never met.

  3. Hey E -- I'm sharing this w a couple of LA folks who made an anti-bullying movie last year called "Strain". It's now part of a toolkit on PACER. I know they'll be as moved as I am with your words.

    1. Deb - As always, thank you for being your amazing, kind and thoughtful self. I have such respect for you. Rock the heart!